Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
