i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
