1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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