i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
