i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
