Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
im on a boat
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