Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
