No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
