I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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