All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
