Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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