does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
