at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
