I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
