I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
