Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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