He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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