I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
