At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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