the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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