I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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