dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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