Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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