somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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