If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i out mim tonsoeep
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