She announced her abortion via fbk
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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