ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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