Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
