Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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