our cab driver is having phone sex.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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