the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
