Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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