I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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