went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
