Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize