So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
