first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
