And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
