Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
