It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
