yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
