I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
