is your mom at the bar?
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
