"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
