I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wish life had little blips of pornography
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
