dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
