My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
