know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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