Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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