Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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