I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
