So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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