Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
