Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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