Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
