Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
