dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
