Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
