Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
