I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
