Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
