i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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