i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
