How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize