im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
