OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
is wine microwaveable?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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