Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
