why didn't you poke me back
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
