she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
