I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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