My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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