You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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