I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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